Monday, January 24, 2011

Coming out to an Ex Cousin

Today I came out to an ex cousin of Mine I am posting the letters that was sent back and forth but I am changing the names to protect the Guilty lol.

Hi Txxx I hope that your doing well and I am so glad that the girls are doing well and I hope Axxx, is doing good as well as you know we don't live down there any more and I miss them all so much and remember riding with you and Rxxxx the girls and Axxx to Nxxx for thanksgiving one year.
Well I don't know what you may have heard about me or if you have heard anything about me but in-case you have let me share with you what I shared with an old friend of mine and I hope that you judge me to harshly when you read what I am about to share with you. and forgive me if you see that I have wronged you in the past please.
I hope this finds you doing well and I hope the weather has not effected you too much I am sending you this message in hopes that you and Audrey will be praying for me as I am having some real big interpersonal issues for a long time I have felt like I was 2 people in one, I noticed that you was friends with Jim Earl Swilley I watched intently his confession to his congregation has to his Homosexuality and after watching the whole thing I sent him a message and I conveyed to him that I was in no place to pass judgement because I was dealing with some issues of my own and have dealt with theses issues since I was about 6 years old so now after some time I feel like I can trust you with this as we have been friends for many years I have known for a long time I was different well there is just no sugar coated way of saying this I am transgendered I have felt like I was trapped in the wrong body I have had to reconcile what I have been taught and what I have preached with what and who I am I may wind up resigning the ministry over this but I am taking this one day at the Time and yes Lauren knows she even says I am more like a woman than a man this is an excerpt of a letter I sent to some of my family members
This is just a note to all of my family member as some of you may have known and for some of you may not have known I have been dealing with a lot of things in my 48 years of life. Approximately 4 years ago I attempted to commit suicide I felt as if I was a failure as a person, as a husband and mostly as a father, me and my wife attended counseling at the pastoral institute and during that time I had to bring some things out to my wife and at the time she was shocked but came to realize how deep my personal problems had become, shortly after that happened my daughter was molested by a 15 year old boy at the age of 9 we have gone through a lot with her distrust of boys and she asked why was I going through therapy with momma then we made a decision to tell her why because she begged to know so me and the wife decided to tell her she had a great understanding of my life’s deepest issues . Now I bring it to all of you as of Friday April 2008 I am out of the closet as a Transgendered person
I hope that I will not loose you as a friend over this I just can not explain what it is like to be the person who is dealing from the inside out i equate it to a living hell I hope that I gain the same kind of Grace and mercy from the Lord as I can get.
and here is her response.
Cxxx, I had heard none of this but I do not judge. I am not a religious person and the judgement is one of the reasons. I am a lesbian and have been living my life as such for the past 13 years. I know several transgendered people and don't think even think of them as transgendered anymore. They are female, period. I think we should all be happy in our bodies and our lives. If this is who you are, then I commend you for being true to yourself and wish you all the happiness. You must first make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. Good luck and keep me updated on your progress.
I am so glad some one I have know for years will accept me
Alicia Neal

Friday, January 7, 2011

My Story

I am a pre-op Transsexual Woman and I don't apologize for it one bit I am all WOMAN ,I love Girly things I love To hang out with my girlfriends and have girls night out and play mind games with stupid Men who use the wrong head to think with lol I
am so F ingg tired of living a lie I am all woman Spirit Soul and Mind and I want to be treated as such and taken seriously that I am a real woman I dream as a woman I think as a woman I feel as a woman thus I am all woman and I have known this since the age of 6 I wanted barbies I wanted to play house I wanted pink things I loved the touch of silk and satin and the smell of perfume on myself and wanted to wear a prom dress and be the homecoming queen and wanted to be the picture perfect bride I just wanted to be who I was on the inside not the lie on the outside and now I know this is my cross to carry though my life I just want to be Alicia Neal and be the H#@@ who I am.,
Here is the letter I sent to my family,
To Whom it may concern.
This is just a note to all of my family member as some of you may have known and for some of you may not have known I have been dealing with a lot of things in my 48 years of life. Approximately 4 years ago I attempted to commit suicide I felt as if I was a failure as a person, as a husband and mostly as a father, me and my wife attended counseling at the pastoral institute and during that time I had to bring some things out to my wife and at the time she was shocked but came to realize how deep my personal problems had become, shortly after that happened my daughter was molested by a 15 year old boy at the age of 9 we have gone through a lot with her distrust of boys and she asked why was I going through therapy with momma then we made a decision to tell her why because she begged to know so me and the wife decided to tell her she had a great understanding of my life’s deepest issues . Now I bring it to all of you as of Friday April the th 2008 I am out of the closet as a Transgendered person so if I see you while I am out from now on if you find it embarrassing I will understand .I have decided to live for me and my family of 4 and no one else . And if you ask am I gay by no means I AM NOT GAY but if you consider I love women  then I am Gay  I am just in touch with my feminine side and while out en femme I will be using the name Alicia Nicole Neal I will not use my given last name as not to further your embarrassment . Some of you will now further disown me some will turn your backs on me some will tolerate me some will love me any way but as of now I am going to be me.
Alicia Nicole Neal

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Real last Name

Today I started using my real last name for a while now I have been using the last name White but I made my mind up to be who I was at birth I was born  a Neal and I will die a Neal so there you have it so this is the real me.