The Bean

The beans are spilled

Well here are the beans I was talking about............

after years of being judge mental and trying to hide the real reason for my judge mentality it was all a cover up for what I have dealt with for many years and who I really am and now If this gets back to chat now I don't care after you read this you may unfriend me but I wanted to share with you what I have now shared with about 6 of my real friends and I hope I will not lose you as a friend when you’re done reading this.

This is what I sent to a longtime friend of mine,

I hope this finds you doing well and I hope the weather has not affected you too much I am sending you this message in hopes that you and Audrey will be praying for me as I am having some real big interpersonal issues for a long time I have felt like I was 2 people in one, I noticed that you was friends with Jim Earl Swilley I watched intently his confession to his congregation has to his Homosexuality and after watching the whole thing I sent him a message and I conveyed to him that I was in no place to pass judgement because I was dealing with some issues of my own and have dealt with theses issues since I was about 6 years old so now after some time I feel like I can trust you with this as we have been friends for many years I have known for a long time I was different well there is just no sugar coated way of saying this I am transgendered I have felt like I was trapped in the wrong body I have had to reconcile what I have been taught and what I have preached with what and who I am I may wind up resigning the ministry over this but I am taking this one day at the Time and yes Lauren knows she even says I am more like a woman than a man this is an excerpt of a letter I sent to some of my family members

This is just a note to my entire family member as some of you may have known and for some of you may not have known I have been dealing with a lot of things in my 48 years of life. Approximately 4 years ago I attempted to commit suicide I felt as if I was a failure as a person, as a husband and mostly as a father, me and my wife attended counseling at the pastoral institute and during that time I had to bring some things out to my wife and at the time she was shocked but came to realize how deep my personal problems had become, shortly after that happened my daughter was molested by a 15 year old boy at the age of 9 we have gone through a lot with her distrust of boys and she asked why was I going through therapy with momma then we made a decision to tell her why because she begged to know so me and the wife decided to tell her she had a great understanding of my life’s deepest issues . Now I bring it to all of you as of Friday April 2008 I am out of the closet as a Transgendered person

I hope that I will not lose you as a friend over this I just cannot explain what it is like to be the person who is dealing from the inside out i equate it to a living hell I hope that I gain the same kind of Grace and mercy from the Lord as I can get.

Charles Neal

And this was his response,

Stephen Pafford January 11 at 11:24am Report

First Charles, you won't lose me as a friend. You won't lose the Lord as a friend either. He will give you grace and mercy. What does transgendered mean? Are you cross-dressing? You told me that you had experienced that years ago. Are you being faithful to Lauren? I'm not asking to judge. It's just that I don't know what all transgendered means. .

This is what I sent him back.

I feel as if I am a woman trapped in a man’s body and have felt this way since I was about 6 years of age and yes I am faithful to Lauren and always will be ,I have known this for years but I have buried it with my judge-mentality of others , And by what I mean I feel as if I am trapped in the wrong body in my mind I am a woman and always have been when other boys was playing cowboys and Indians I wanted to play house when other boys love Blue I have always loved Pink and there are other things too that I could tell you as to why I feel this way. Now you see why I could not Judge Jim Earl, I hope is that I have not lost your respect

Charles Neal.

AKA Alicia Neal

That is what my mother was going to name me if I had be born a GG (Genetic Girl)

I am tired of Hiding the real me.